fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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