On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
