Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
