Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
