i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize