No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Randomize
