I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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