Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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