So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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