I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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