matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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