glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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