i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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