so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
