ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
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