i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
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