you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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