I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Randomize