All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
