dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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