Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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