i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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