Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
