Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
