Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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