I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
