I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
