if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
