Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
