what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize