His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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