There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
