I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize
