I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
