TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
