THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
