Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
