I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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