I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
