I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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