I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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