i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
my liver is dry heaving
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
