she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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