I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
