Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Randomize
