Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
