i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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