Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
