I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
