Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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