His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Randomize
