Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I'm both gender and math confused
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
