Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize