If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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