my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
