there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
