The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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