she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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