The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
