I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
