While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
You've changed since you got that strap on
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
