is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
