My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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