goodnight i made you a song goodbye
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
