I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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