sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I need to sanitize my soul.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
