the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Randomize
