so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
