but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
