Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
