If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
