Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Acid is not a monday night drug
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
How external is "for external use only"?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
