I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I think my vagina is haunted
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
