He asked to "fluff my boner.."
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
