Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
bring money and cleavage
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
