dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
