Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
