David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
