im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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