i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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