please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize