Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
How does it feel to date your dad?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
