I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
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