And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
There r osticjed everywhere
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Randomize
