I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
