she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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