wrigley field is MILF paradise
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
