I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
